Coping with Miscarriage

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KEY POINTS

• A miscarriage is the unplanned loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy. If you have had a miscarriage, it’s unlikely that you did anything to cause it.
• Miscarriage may be your body's way of ending a pregnancy that is not developing normally. It may happen because there is something wrong with the baby, like a genetic problem.
• Seek support from friends, family, a pregnancy loss support group, or a counselor.
• It’s natural to feel sad and lonely while you grieve your lost baby. However, if sadness, hopelessness, and lack of interest in anything last a long time, get professional help.

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What is a miscarriage?

A miscarriage is the unplanned loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy.

Did I do anything to cause the miscarriage?

Do not blame yourself for the miscarriage. Miscarriage may be your body's way of ending a pregnancy that is not developing normally. For example, it may happen because there is something wrong with the baby, like a genetic problem. The baby may have not developed at all, or the baby may have problems that could cause severe mental or physical birth defects. Other possible causes of miscarriage include infections or defects in the uterus, uncontrolled diabetes, or hormonal imbalances. Cigarette smoking, alcohol, and illegal drugs, such as cocaine, can also cause miscarriage. This is especially true in early pregnancy, when major organs of the baby are developing.

A problem with the cervix sometimes causes a miscarriage. The cervix is the opening of the uterus into the birth canal. During labor the cervical opening gets bigger so that the baby can pass into the birth canal. If the cervix starts opening too early in the pregnancy, there is a risk of miscarriage.

Minor falls, exercise, and having sex seldom cause miscarriage. Often you will not know what caused a miscarriage.

What emotions are common after miscarriage?

After a miscarriage, you may:

• Grieve the loss of the baby
• Feel like you have let your partner or others down
• Feel betrayed by your body
• Have sudden mood swings
• Have trouble concentrating on things
• Feel depressed and afraid that you will never be able to have a baby
• Feel sad, jealous, or angry about others' pregnancies
• Feel isolated and lonely because loved ones may not understand. They may think you are overreacting and not understand how painful your loss really is.
• Feel guilty and confused if you have previously had an abortion

What are some ways to cope?

• Seek support from friends and family. If comments such as "Maybe it's all for the best," get you down, let the person know that sometimes you just need someone to listen.
• Keep a journal to explore your feelings Therapists can meet with you individually, or work with you and your partner together to help you grieve your loss.
• Pregnancy loss support groups can offer tips to help you deal with the miscarriage. It can be very helpful to talk to others who have had miscarriages. Ask your healthcare provider or local hospital or women's center for a list of support groups in your area.
• A fertility counselor can meet with you and your partner to explore possible reasons why your pregnancy ended. This may help with feelings of guilt after a miscarriage and the fear that it will happen again. Talk with the counselor and your healthcare provider about trying again to get pregnant.

You may want to remember your baby in a special way. You could:

• Have a memorial service.
• Plant a tree in your baby’s honor.
• Make a donation to a charity in memory of your baby.

It’s natural to feel sad and lonely while you grieve your lost baby. However, if sadness, hopelessness, and lack of interest in anything last a long time, get professional help. These can be signs of depression. Depression can be treated with therapy and medicine. Get emergency care if you or a loved one has serious thoughts of suicide or self-harm, violence, or harming others.