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KEY POINTS
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Feelings (emotions) are natural responses to things that happen to you or around you. Feelings affect the way you think and act. They can be pleasant or unpleasant, mild or strong. You can keep them to yourself or share them with others. Feelings affect your body, and your body affects your feelings. For example:
Getting to understand your feelings can help you understand yourself and others better. There are several steps you can take to understand and express your feelings.
A feeling is something that can be expressed with one word, such as "happy" or "sad." Many feelings can be mixed together. Most human feelings fall into one of these groups:
Other important human emotions that may not fall into these main groups are sexual feelings, guilt, shame, loyalty, and forgiveness.
All human beings have feelings. Feelings help make you who you are.
Some people have intense feelings and must struggle to control them, while others have to work hard to know what their feelings are. If you are very logical, it may be harder for you to be aware of your feelings. You may use thoughts and ideas to hide your feelings, sometimes without even realizing that you are doing so. You may be afraid that if you show your feelings, you will lose control.
Emotions can push you toward action, which can be healthy. Anger can be healthy when it gives you energy to take care of something that needs to be addressed. But sudden, violent reactions can be dangerous for you and for others. Crying and allowing yourself to grieve a loss can be healthy, but feeling that you want to hurt yourself or others because it doesn’t feel like life is worth living is not OK.
You may not be able to control what happens, but you can control how you react. For example, if you are cut off by another driver in heavy traffic you can react with anger (like thinking about running into the other car), or react with control by saying to yourself, "He certainly is in a hurry," or, "I am not going to let my anger get out of control today.” Avoid thinking about what upset you over and over again. Try to let it go.
Some people use unhealthy ways to deal with feelings, such as overeating, using drugs or alcohol, or smoking. Learn to cope with feelings in other ways such as using yoga or meditation. Maybe you are the kind of person who needs to work out your feelings with walking, running, or biking. Perhaps it will help to express your feelings through music, poetry, praying, or keeping a journal. Do what works best for you.
To understand your feelings, it helps to put your emotions into words. If you are talking with someone who is affecting your feelings, use "I" statements, such as "I feel...," rather than more blaming "you" statements, such as “You always…” or “You never….”
Talk with family and friends. Seeing a therapist can also help. Just talking problems through will often make you feel better.