Active Listening

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KEY POINTS

• Active listening is restating what you have heard and using body language like nodding, eye contact, and leaning forward to show that you are really trying to understand what the other person is saying.
• Active listening can help you be more successful in the workplace and help you have better relationships with friends and family.
• When you practice active listening, avoid criticizing, judging, rejecting, making fun, or pressuring the other person.

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What is active listening?

Active listening is a way of paying attention to other people that can make them feel that you are hearing them and understanding what they are saying. This type of listening is called active because you do certain things--such as restating what you have heard and using body language like eye contact and leaning forward--to show that you are really trying to understand what the other person is saying.

Active listening can help you be more successful in the workplace and help you have better relationships with friends and family.

How do I practice active listening?

• Use active listening body language:
  • Set aside whatever you have been doing so so that you can focus on what the person is saying.
  • Relax your body. Being tense or fidgety makes the other person wonder if you are listening.
  • Look at the person you are listening to and keep good eye contact. It may help to lean forward and make sure that your arms are not crossed.
  • Nod your head or say, "Yes, I see what you mean," or "Go on, please." This shows that you are paying attention and trying to understand. Words and gestures like these encourage people to speak more.
  • Take notes about what the person is saying if you need to.
• Be silent while the other person is talking. Listening without interrupting encourages the other person to speak.
• From time to time, restate what you believe the other person has said: "So you are saying that...."
• Ask questions to help you understand what the other person is saying, like, "Let me see if I understand. Do you mean....?"
• Summarize what you have heard when the person is finished speaking. For example, "I hear you saying that you think...." This summary restates briefly the speaker's point of view.

What should I avoid?

• Avoid "why" questions and watch your tone of voice. These kinds of questions and an angry or annoyed tone of voice can make people feel defensive.
• Don’t tell the other person what to do unless they are asking for advice. Ask if they want advice or ask permission to give advice. For example, you might say, "It sounds like this situation is really upsetting you. Just so I'm clear, are you asking me how I might deal with the situation?"
• Avoid saying things that may make the person feel like you are not taking their thoughts or feelings seriously. For example, don’t say, "You shouldn’t worry about that."
• Avoid criticizing, judging, rejecting, making fun, or refusing to listen to the person about something.
• Don’t pressure the other person to talk about something he or she would rather not talk about.

Is active listening hard?

A number of feelings and circumstances can get in the way of active listening and make it difficult:

• If you are worried, stressed, or anxious, it can be hard to listen.
• Feeling anger towards someone also makes it hard to listen, especially if the person is blaming you or talking about something he or she feels is your fault.
• Having an idea in mind of what a person "should" think or do makes it hard to hear their point of view. This is particularly true if what the other person is saying to you doesn’t seem to make sense to you.