Living with a Mentally Ill Person

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KEY POINTS

• Mental illness causes problems with thinking, mood, or behavior that interfere with daily life and cause distress.
• You need information about mental illness and how it affects your life and family. This will help you know what to expect and what to do.
• Work together with the person who is ill and their mental health professionals to care for or support the person.
• Schedule time for yourself to relax and relieve your stress. Caring for someone with mental illness can take a lot of energy.

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Mental illness is a health condition that involves the brain. Mental illness causes problems with thinking, mood, or behavior that interfere with daily life and cause distress. If you have someone in your life who is mentally ill, it may be hard to understand why they just can't stop these behaviors. You may feel:

• Guilty that somehow the mental illness is your fault
• Angry that the person with mental illness is doing things on purpose, just seeking attention, being lazy, and not cooperating
• Confused about the changed behavior of the person with mental illness
• Embarrassed about the way he or she acts in public
• Resentful about having to take care of the person
• Afraid that you will also develop the mental illness
• Helpless because you don't know what to do

It is important to remember that you can't:

• Solve problems for the person with mental illness
• Make the person be different
• Make the illness go away by ignoring it

How can I help someone with mental illness?

Work together with the person who is ill and their mental health professionals. You may not be able to care for or support the person without help. Be honest about this when you talk to the person with the mental illness and to healthcare providers, therapists, and case managers. Group homes, supervised apartments, or residential treatment programs may be options. If you decide to help care for or support the person at home, here are some tips:

• Help the person develop and follow routines. For example, set regular times to get up and go to bed. Make changes slowly so that it doesn’t add stress.
• Help the person break tasks into small steps. For example, help someone get to school on time by helping them choose clothes. Work on one thing at a time.
• Help the person set realistic goals. Having goals that are too high sets you and the person with mental illness up for failure. Goals for some people may be working part-time or going to school. For others, getting out of bed, getting dressed, and coming to the dinner table is a good goal.
• Support and accept what the person can do. Praise improvements, however small. When you are critical or always worried, the person may feel scared.
• Encourage the person to take up walking, jogging, swimming, or dancing. An activity may calm the person down and give a feeling of success.
• Let the person with mental illness make his or her own decisions, even though it may be hard. Resist the urge to make the decision even if he or she keeps changing his or her mind. You may need to let some things slide.
• Help the person lower stress. Everyday stresses that most people handle without a problem may make some people with mental illness more likely to get worse.
• Help the person remember to take prescribed medicine. Point out how much the medicine helps them rather than nagging or criticizing them.
• Try to stay calm and positive. If you are calm, it can help the person feel calm. If you are upset or angry, the person may get upset or scared. Talk gently and respectfully. Listen to what the person says. Try not to be defensive.
• Realize that recovery always includes slips and setbacks. The important thing is not to see the setback as failure.
• Seek help from professionals to deal with:
  • Relapse. If you notice feelings or actions that are unusual for the person with mental illness, such as losing interest in things, getting more depressed, having trouble concentrating or making decisions, withdrawing, feeling overwhelmed, or having sleep problems, call a mental health professional. Getting professional help early may keep the person from getting worse.
  • Medicine side effects such as drowsiness and weight gain.
  • Reality checking. If the person with the illness tells you that other people are mistreating them, check out the stories before you react.
  • Suicidal thoughts. Don't be afraid to talk about suicidal thoughts. If the person continues to think about suicide, especially if he or she hears voices that suggest suicide, tell his or her healthcare provider.
  • Aggressive or violent behavior. If someone is aggressive or violent, go to a safe place, such as a room in your home that can be locked from the inside. Call the person's therapist and the police right away. Until help arrives, try to stay calm and speak quietly. Try to keep the person talking, and keep yourself safe.

How can I help myself?

Understand that the person has an illness. There are treatments and possibly medicine for it, just like a heart problem. You need information about mental illness and how it affects your life and family. This will help you know what to expect and what to do. Spend time learning more about the illness.

Don’t ignore your own needs while you try to meet the needs of another person. Caring for someone with mental illness can take a lot of energy. Schedule time for yourself to relax and relieve your stress.

• Get support. Talk with family and friends. Join a support group in your area. Talking with other people who face the same challenges can help.
• Learn to manage stress. Ask for help at home and work when the load is too great to handle. Find ways to relax. For example take up a hobby, listen to music, watch movies, or take walks. Try yoga, meditation, or deep breathing exercises when you feel stressed.

  Get out and have some fun once in a while. Examples of outings might be a movie, or lunch or coffee with a friend or another family member.

  Set aside quiet time by yourself every day when you can do something you enjoy. For example, take a bath, have a massage, meditate, or even just close your eyes and rest a few minutes.

• Take care of your physical health. Try to get at least 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night. Eat a healthy diet. Limit caffeine. If you smoke, quit. Avoid alcohol and drugs. Exercise according to your healthcare provider's instructions.

For more information, contact:

• The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
  800-950-NAMI
  http://www.nami.org
• Mental Health America
  800-969-6642
  http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/